An Increasing Number Of Local Organizations Respond To The Call To Help Men Be More Responsible Dads
There is a growing movement to encourage fathers to be active in their children’s lives, whether they’re in the home with them or not. Many men are taking the challenge and running with it. They’re doing the Mr. Mom thing. They’re acting as chaperones on school field trips, checking homework and arranging “daddy & me” outings on weekends.
For some this new responsibility role comes naturally. Others need a little help. Where can men learn this important fatherhood role and “get it right?”
David Asfall, the founder of the Fathers Resource Center (FRC), says other fathers, successful fathers can provide a wealth of knowledge. The FRC, a certified non-profit social service organization, provides resources and services to fathers and educates the community about the importance of fatherhood involvement. The Center offers a weekly Fatherhood Responsibility Class/Parenting Class and a Fatherhood Support Group.
The sessions, held at the Center, have given younger fathers a chance to learn from some veteran dads. “The best advice you can give your son, who has a child or is having a child, is to show him, by example,” Asfall said.
Jimmy Grant says he didn’t have an example to follow. His father died when he was five years old. Today Grant, 44, is a single father with three daughters including two teenagers. Grant says while he never got the chance to seek his father’s advice or “watch and learn,” his mother, as many women do, filled the void.
“She was very involved and always provided for her children. I got that from her,” Grant said. “I watched her and said if I do have kids I’m going to provide for them and always be there for them,” he continued. Grant has participated in the FRC’s parenting classes and the support group. “The classes taught me to have patience and to understand how to be a better dad.”
The greatest part about being a dad, Grant says, is spending quality time with your kids. “You can give them gifts all day long, but to me, what’s most important is the time you can give them,” he shared. Dwain West calls his 8-year old daughter Autumn,“the greatest gift of my life.”West and his ex-wife adopted Autumn when she was four months old. Now they’re two peas in a pod. He helps her with her homework and is opening a bank account for her as a lesson in fiscal responsibility.
West, 53, says being an older dad gives him a slight advantage, as he has had time to observe more, time to see good examples and some bad ones as well. “I think wisdom and experience are the best teachers,” he said.
West gets to share his wisdom as a mentor to five young men, three of whom are already fathers themselves. “Being a good father means setting a good example,” West tells them. “There is a generation, actually it’s going on a couple of generations, where males haven’t been good role models,” he said. “It’s never too late to learn,” he continued.
West said the best “fatherhood” advice he’s ever received actually came from a woman, his aunt. “She said,‘live a Godly example before your child.’ She said,‘recognize that every word you speak and action you take will have an impact whether it’s positive or negative. You’re going to be the deciding factor in that.’ That really hit home with me,” West shared.
It’s a lesson that another local father, Ellis Fort, had to learn. Fort, 26, has three children, a six-year-old daughter and two sons, ages 2 and 1. “When I had my first child, I didn’t know too much,” he admits. Fort continued to do the things he’d done before the child was born. He partied. He hung out.
“When you’re young, you figure, they can’t speak, they don’t know what I’m doing. I think that’s a misconception a lot of young fathers have.‘Oh, I can drink in front of my children, they don’t know what that is,’” he said.
Fort says he’s evolved as a father in the past six years.“I’m more responsible, I’m more aware of the things I do and say. “I’m very much an involved dad. My fiance and I, we do all the school activities, dances and festivals. Fort’s father died when he was 9 years old. Over the years, he looked to uncles and a grandfather, he describes as “old school,” for guidance.
The best advice his grandfather gave him, he says,was to “be there for my kids, listen to them. Be a role model and be the man of the household.” Fort has advice for other young dads. “First and foremost, be around for your kids. If you need help, find some type of resource, whether it’s self help or a support group, instead of trying to go through it blindly.”
Resources for fathers aren’t as prevelant as those for mothers, but they’re popping up as more fathers seek active roles in their children’s lives. In Sacramento, there’s also the Center For Fathers and Families, the Daddy’s Here Support Group, and Fathers 4 Justice.
These organizations, and others, fight to preserve men’s rights. The FRC is expanding its services and its headquarters to meet the growing needs of local fathers. Its offerings include anger management classes, paternity testing, case management, substance abuse counseling, and family therapy.
The Center’s expansion will include a partnership with the Birthing Project, which traditionally provides services to pregnant women. “There’s definitely a lot of work to be done,” Asfall said.
OBSERVER Photos by Larry V. Dalton
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Text and images reprinted with permission from the OBSERVER - The Observer Newspapers, June 11-17, 2009
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